CREATING A RHYTHM

Increase the quantity of quality time you spend together.

Have you ever been a part of something bigger than yourself? Maybe you were able to send food, shoes, or presents to a family hundred’s of miles away. Maybe you were able to hold the hand of a grieving stranger. Our world is full of need and each one of us has been equipped with resources to meet some of those needs. And when we do that, we also gain in the process.

Whenever we are able to work together as a team, neighborhood or family, it is amazing how much we are drawn together. In the act of serving together all the tension and stress of our day-to-day lives seem to melt away, and we walk away with a powerful shared experience. This month, think about a project that you and your family can do together so that you can be a part of something bigger than yourselves.

You may want to consider one of the following options:

Compassion International: Compassion International is a Christian child advocacy ministry dedicated to release children from poverty. Through sponsorship programs, Compassion addresses the economic, health, environmental, social, educational and spiritual needs of these children. Currently, Compassion helps more than 800,000 children in 24 countries. Log onto their web site to find out one of the many ways your family can partner with Compassion to make a lasting difference in the life of a child.
[www.compassion.com]

TOMS Shoes: TOMS was born in 2006 by Blake Mycoskie out of a commitment to produce stylish, comfortable, and practical footwear while improving the lives of children around the world. Every pair sold is personally matched with a donated pair to a child in need. This Christmas have fun giving TOMS shoes and celebrating the children who will also be comforted by your donation.
[www.tomsshoes.com]

410 Bridge: 410 Bridge began in 2005 by Lanny Donoho. The overall goal is life transformation, for Americans and Kenyans alike through building lasting relationships within cross-cultural communities. This month your students are partnering with 410 Bridge to help solve the water crisis in 410 bridge communities in Kenya by purchasing bottled water. To find out more about how your family can partner with 410 Bridge communities, go to their web site and click on the link to “communities,” then look for projects that interest you. Be creative in thinking of activities that would raise money and enable you to give to these communities.
[www.410bridge.org]

In Your Community: Find a local women’s shelter, soup kitchen or other community program in your area and see where you can help. You may want to present the idea of a project to your student and let him or her have ownership in the process by doing some research online to see what you can do.

© 2010 The reThink Group, Inc. Used with permission.

Get connected to a wider community of parents at www.orangeparents.org.

WHY I TAKE MY SON TO YOUTH GROUP

By Tim Walker

It’s funny how much I knew about parenting before I became one. I had all these absolute statements and strong ideas about what I would and wouldn’t do—usually based on how I felt my parents handled something or based on something I observed around me. “I’ll never let my kids pitch a fit in the store.” “I’ll never tell my kids, ‘Because I said so.’”

I knew so much—until I brought my son home from the hospital. Then I realized how little I knew. And it doesn’t get any better. Each new stage, each year, brings new challenges. Just when I think I have things figured out, some new surprise comes along. Now I look at new dads and have empathy instead of criticism.

I also have a new perspective on how my parents handled things, and realize that while they didn’t handle every situation perfectly, I’m certainly not capable of perfection either. There are too many factors that go into seeing a situation so clearly—my own history, my fears, my mood, plus my wife’s history, mood, and fears.

So at this point in the journey, with a middle school student in my house, I can honestly say I don’t know everything about being a dad. But I do know one thing—I can’t do this alone.

I can sense it every day. I can see my son looking for some other figure in his life, in addition to his dad and mom. I can feel him wanting to be a part of the grown-up world, and have other adults in his life who can connect with him. Cooler adults. Adults who can throw the football better than me. Adults who like the same teams he does.

And as much as I think I can be all that for my son, the reality is I can’t. I need other people. I’m not stepping down from my job. I’m still here as a dad, but I need other people who will pour good things into him. I need other people who will reinforce some of the things I’ve tried to teach him about God, about character, about being a man.

That’s what youth group is for me. It’s that place where my son can connect with other teens, but also other adults. I don’t expect my 20-something student pastor to give me parenting advice. In fact, honestly, I would be a little insulted if he did. When he becomes a parent and has teenagers, then we’ll talk. But the thing the people in that room get that I struggle with is how to connect with my changing son. That’s what they are passionate about. And quite honestly, that’s what they are good at. Whether it’s through playing a silly game or having a time of worship, they are passionately pursuing ways to connect with kids like my son.

That’s why I drop him off at youth group. That’s why I pay the $10 for an outing, or sign the permission form, or become the carpool for his friends. Because I know I can’t do it alone. I also know that I have a role to play here. I’m still dad, but to help my son move to adulthood, I need other adults pouring into him as well.

I don’t have this parenting thing figured out. And I have a feeling it’s a constant learning process. But one thing I do know is that my son needs me, but he also needs more than me. And that’s a good and natural thing. I just need to find a good place where he can find that.

So when he comes home covered in oatmeal after eating it out of a trough as part of some kind of crazy middle school game, I know that oatmeal is more than just something I have to clean up, it’s part of him finding connection to some very good things.

Taking a Step

By Sarah Anderson

Spiritual leader—two words people use a lot at church, and ones that they often direct right at you as a parent. Those words can be pretty intimidating. Leading our kids spiritually is one of those things we know we should do, maybe even want to do, but we’re just not sure how.

But when it comes to the influence you have on your kids spiritually, it is something we rarely learn how to do until we simply make the decision to do it. We can read books. We can listen to guidance. We can observe the pros. But we can’t really make any strides until we simply take the plunge and make the first move.

For a lot of us, there is nothing more scary than endeavoring to navigate our own spirituality, let alone talk with our kids about their spirituality. But we can’t be non-participants in this. We can’t watch from the sidelines and allow the youth pastor, the small group leader or the church as a whole take over a role designed and purposed for you as parents—as tempting, appealing and easy as that might be.

Your kids need you—more than they need a coolly dressed youth pastor. Your kids need you—more than they need a culturally relevant small group leader. Your kids need you—more than they need a spiritually impressive church. All of those can play an important role, but they don’t lessen your role. Your kids need you, because your kids are watching you, observing you, taking note of you and the value you place on what is going on with them spiritually. So fading into the background isn’t really an option.

So how do you even begin to engage your kids when it comes to their spiritual well being? For one, you start by asking questions. I remember hearing years ago that people can easily determine what I value and what matters to me by the questions I ask them. When I first got married, my dad would ask me if my new husband and I were “doing okay financially.” He asked this one question often enough that I knew, to him, it mattered that we were managing our money wisely. In the same way, the questions we ask our kids reveal what means the most to us. Are we only concerned with their grades, their whereabouts and their messy rooms? Or do we take the time to ask about their time at church? What did they most enjoy about their time there? Was there something that stuck out that they heard or talked about? Was there anything that challenged them or confused them? Begin a conversation, a dialogue, an ongoing connection that happens because you made the effort to care about what is happening at church.

Make yourself available. Don’t allow yourself to become invisible in your own teenager’s life. Kids notice your willingness to simply be there —whether they acknowledge it now or years later. Your presence alone is communicating a valuable message: “I care about you. You matter to me. So, I am going to make sure you have my attention. You have my time. You have me.” This could mean you make the effort to drop off or pick up your student from the student program or it could mean you are simply tuned into what is happening in the student ministry. Doing this communicates to both the youth pastor and to your student that what they are doing has validity, is important and matters enough to you for you to know what is going on.

Sometimes, leading your child spiritually takes time. Sometimes it is more comfortable to stay uninvolved in something that doesn’t come so easily and feels so odd. But even though it’s easier, if you don’t make the effort, you’ll miss out on some incredible experiences. With most things, when you give it time, things start to improve. The outlook isn’t so bad. It doesn’t feel so foreign. In fact, it may actually start to feel right.

No, it doesn’t happen overnight. And no, it doesn’t mean that it’s always going to go well. There will be some awkward silences. There will be times when you’ll wish you would have said something differently. But continued effort, renewed care and concern can go a long way. And the glimpses of payoff—though maybe brief—are enough to look past the awkward foibles that come with the learning process to see the potential.

When it comes to the spiritual lives of your kids, there is potential. So much potential. Nurture it in them, not by becoming a super parent, but by becoming their parent—a parent who cares too much to fade into the background and let someone else steer the reigns of their spiritual lives.

© 2010 Orange. All rights reserved.

RESURRECTION

Resurrection: Rob Bell from The Work of Rob Bell on Vimeo.

It’s Friday But Sunday is Coming!!!

I’m No Fool

The first of April is a day that is known for it’s pranks.  It is the one day you can practice trickery and it is accepted and followed by a laugh.  I have had an object I use to teach with covered in Vaseline on this day. A friend of mine convinced his wife he had forgotten to pay the mortgage on their new house.  Even companies join in the fun.  Google is known for its elaborate pranks.  This year it claimed to have changed its company’s name to “Topeka.” Some have argued that the resurrection is all one elaborate prank. Those who argue this point give multiple options to how this was done. Some say that the disciples stole Jesus’ body which gave the illusion that he had risen. Others have said that Jesus had a brother that he looked like him and they killed one of them and the other pretended to be him. Still others have argued that Jesus never actually died on the cross, believing he resuscitated in the tomb and then left later. All of these are FALSE. Let’s deal with the last one first; Jesus died. He was on a cross for hours and had a spear pierce his side where blood and water came out which means it pierced his heart. He was dead. The argument that a look alike took his place doesn’t hold water either. Jesus spent everyday with his followers for years. They would have noticed if it wasn’t Jesus who either was on the cross or appeared to them afterward. Last the idea that Jesus body was stolen is spoken about in the gospels. This idea arose because the guards were fearful for their lives and Jesus appeared to more than just the apostles. So on this day of Tom Foolery let it be known I am no fool. Jesus died, rose, and is seated at the right hand of the Father.

The Resurrection of Spring

Today is a beautiful spring day.  You can see the buds on the trees, the color returning to the grass, more animals running around.  You can see everything beginning to stretch and break out from its elongated slumber.  You can literally see the resurrection of the earth.  It is only fitting that Easter is at this time of year.  The earth is used as a prophet to proclaim the fact that Jesus was raised around 2000 years ago.  It is a reminder of the power God has over life and death and how he defeated death.  I encourage you to take a moment and look outside let the sun warm the side of your face and think back to a week ago, 2 weeks ago, back to when the earth was dormant and there seemed no hope spring was coming,  Then think how the apostles felt as there seemed no hope Jesus was the Messiah.  Imagine how despair turned joy as Jesus appeared to the disciples.  See the rebirth of their confidence and excitement.  Now know that he has that same rebirth for you.  Jesus was raised to give you rebirth in him.  He gives you the ability to be reborn day after day.  Time and time again.  Mess up after mess up.  As in the spring there is life so know that in Christ there is life, life to the fullest!